Its almost time to move out of hostel. I just realised how little time there is left to enjoy staying here with everyone and to enjoy te facilities and everything else. Soon, no more game nights, frisbee playing and no more nightwalks.

I keeping swaying in and out of this really volatile state very regularly now.. and sometimes it just hurts so much, even though theres no schoolwork stress over so many things happen and i dont know if what feel sometimes is justifyable.

Today's been abit of a 'musical' day cos the whole morning was spent at orchestra rehearsal with only 27 players or something. And the last MA meeting of the year after lunch. And i kept having mixed feelings all through the day because prac was not so bad, had fun sitting in the brass line but on the other hand i feel rotten that i was missing out on the SL's meeting and even worse that i was missing a talk that i really wanted to attend while sitting on my ass in the music room.

Right after dismissal too i tried to find out where ever possible the Glasgow people were holding the discussion. College councillor's place, staffroom, library, audi, theatrette and even the bloody hostel TV room and music room. NONE of them. but my worst bloody fears confirmed. In the stupid conference room smack in the middle of the staffroom, with no windows to see into or anything. And just nice when i came in the students had left, only mr uy standing there with the speakers still waitng inside saying theres nothing else he could do for me.
TWO occasions already i missed a talk i really wanted for some other lameass reason. DEFENSE talk? Over AVA talk? I'll understand when go bloody serve army right? Twice i've heard the same thing. There'll be other chances and opportunities. Yeah. whatever.

Right now i'm feeling that theres so many reasons, selfish or justifyable, true or untrue reasons that life can suck right now. But deep down inside i know it could be much worse and that i have it good already to know and trust that i am loved by people i can trust.
But i guess the true reason why i feel horrible is that i feel that that may not be true anymore, feeling more and more distanced and feeling less cared for than before; and being loved back less than i am loving.
posted by halfpastfour- at 7:45 PM [edit]